This weekend has got off to a great start. I went to the dentist straight after work and it's now a decade since I last needed any treatment (last time it was just replacing some fillings I had done in the early 1970s). Then T phoned me and said "Come to the pub - it's hot and sunny. Your beer is waiting for you in the beer garden". God I love that woman. Then we picked up a massive bag of takeaway curry + extras to take home for the family. We got 2 free bottles of Indian beer too. I'm on such a high right now. Three days at home and good weather forecast. The gazebo is going back up tomorrow. Then maybe a barbecue. I'm trying to decide whether to stick to beer or switch to wine. Hmmm... decisions, decisions.

Last night T and I walked into town to have dinner in a restaurant to celebrate her birthday. We decided to eat at the newly revamped place at the far end of town that used to be the funeral home.

I was slightly apprehensive as the menu was a little pretentious in it's descriptions. I think that using 30 words to describe something that can be said in 10 is not clever, it's just annoying. The first thing I noticed was that the place settings in the entire restaurant were mirror images of the conventional layout but I decided against mentioning this. (The last thing you should do is annoy the person responsible for your food). The acoustics of the restaurant were appalling. The combination of high ceiling, hardwood flooring and long narrow room amplified the slightest noise and even with only a dozen other dines the normal hubbub of conversations was almost deafening. I had to repeat everything to my waiter three times before he understood.

After ordering we were presented with flutes of champagne and canapes. These were black and green olives and small pieces of lightly toasted bread topped with finely chopped ham, cheese and garlic. For my starter I chose soup. I forget to ask what type and I couldn't recognise the taste apart from garlic. The soup was presented in a shallow square bowl on a rectangular plate with two small pieces of bread. Square bowl, round spoon. Can you see a problem here? When I dropped my knife on the floor and it sounded like a 50 piece dinner service dropped from a great height. I ordered a bottle of South East Australian Grenache to accompanying our meals and it went very nicely with my rack of lamb with garlic mashed potatoes and vegetables.

Halfway through the wine I leaned over towards T and said "Don't make it too obvious but look at that man sat over there, he's wearing the exact same shirt as me". She glanced sideways and then said "That 'man' is a mirror".

My dessert was a typically pretentiously named "Assiette du chocolat". There is a flaw in my knowledge of French. Thought that it meant "a spoonful" which was all I felt I had space for in my stomach. However I soon remembered that it meant "a plate". I was presented with another narrow rectangular plate, this this containing a line of rich chocolate desserts - chocolate creme caramel, chocolate ice cream and chocolate cheesecake, each one being about 8cm in diameter. Like the previous courses, this was delicious and I ate like a glutton until I was almost sick.

This was about the 5th time this year that we had dined out without the kids and it was the most expensive but the food was certainly worth the extra. I nodded goodbye to the man in the mirror and as I wobbled my distended stomach towards the exit I asked the head waiter to send my complements to the chef for a wonderful meal and then quietly pointed out the unconventional place settings. One glance at the nearest tables was all it took for him to realise that I wasn't joking and a look of absolute panic game over his face. He thanked me and said "Good night". As we were leaving I looked back and saw him talking to a waiter and they were both crossing and uncrossing their arms in unison as they were pointing left and right. The food was great but the noise was just a little too much to make me want to return. Shame.

A couple of things are bugging me

• Narrow parking spaces. I want parking spaces wide enough so that the dickheads that park next to me can't smash their doors into mine.
• Large women in small dresses. I saw one yesterday - the dress had no sides apart from half a dozen thin strips of material and there were huge bulges of fat poking through each hole. They looked like extra buttocks.
• People that complain that Christmas is too commercialised these days. When did "these days" start? 1990? 1980? Wrong! I remember it being like this in the 1960s. Christmas has probably always been like this.
• People who say "The whole country is going to the dogs". I've heard that my entire life. So have my parents and grandparents. You'd think we'd have reached "the dogs" by now wouldn't you?
• Razors designed to lift the hair above it's normal level and then cut it off at the base allowing it to drop back to below the surface of the skin. This is such a stupid thing to do as it promotes ingrowing hairs.
• People who argue over Linux vs Windows, or PC vs Mac, or Star Trek vs Star Wars. I like them all. You don't need to have a favourite.
• People who describe someone by telling me their weight and height in kg and m.
• People who wear FCUK t-shirts because they haven't got the guts to wear t-shirts that say FUCK.
• People who say "Oh my god!" when I'm driving and make me think I'm about to have an accident when all that's happened is they've seen a fat woman in a tiny dress.
• People who wear hats inside cars.
• People that think that million-gallon-a-day stainless steel industrial plants produce better beer than small breweries using wooden barrels.
• Instant Capuccino. You've got to be kidding, right? Chemically-produced foam? No thanks!
• When I pop in for a quick coffee and it's too hot to drink immediately. (I'm looking at you Starbucks).
• When I have to send a message on msn that says "Sorry, wrong box. D'oh!".
• Spherical silicone breast implants.
• The way I find it impossible to fill an ice cube tray and carry it to the freezer without spilling water on the kitchen floor.
• People who don't understand why I'm puzzled by statements like "My laptop is gay".
• People who keep inching their car forwards when the light is still on red.
• Shop Assistants that continue a conversation with their coworker whilst I'm standing at the till waving money at them. One day I'm going to throw myself on the floor and fake a fit.
• Intructions on shampoo bottles.
• People with tartan blankets on their rear car seats.
• The fact that no matter how hard I try I still keep posting rants.

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny Spring day and T and I took the youngest 2 boys for a walk into town to go to the library and pick up a few odds and ends from the hardware shop. I wanted a couple of hooks the anchor the gazebo to the house wall when I re-erect it next weekend. Whilst there we saw a very nice set of hardwood patio chairs and table at a ridiculously low price and decided to buy them. We'll keep them in the conservatory over winter to protect them from the bad weather. Upon leaving the hardware shop we bumped into T's oldest friend who had just visited the art supplies shop next door. We live in different towns these days and they hadn't seen each other in person since January so I suggested that we went somewhere for lunch so that they could catch up. It was St George's Day and the pub George & Dragon had a 20 x 10m flag of St George fixed to it's front and was holding a celebratory barbeque in it's beer garden. "Beer" and "Garden", two wonderful words that go together so well. The kids had their faces painted white with a red cross and after rushing their lunch, ran off to play on the bouncy castle and climbing frame. I decided not to eat barbecued food chosing a traditional Ploughman's Lunch accompanied by locally brewed ale. We ended up sitting in the sunshine for 2 hours and later in the evening we realised that we had both been sunburnt. Sunburn in April? That's a new one for me. The earliest I can remember that ever happening is mid-May. Ah well, time to dig the sunblock out from the back of the cupboard. That's a sure way to guarentee 6 weeks of rain.